Nothing lasts forever…

I spent last weekend at a woman’s retreat hosted by Mary Morrissey and Rickie Byars Beckwith…and one of the things I discovered for myself was that sometimes we put someone or something up on such a high pedestal that no one or nothing can quite live up to that memory! Not that remembering what is good and also great about a past experience or person is a bad thing. This is quite uplifting and comforting…such as in times of a loved one’s passing. We remember the great things about that person and cherish them. We re-experience those precious moments shared and hold those memories close to our heart. No longer are we focused or tangled up with the painful circumstances or unpleasantries of that relationship…we basically put the remembered one up on that pedestal and there they remain.

As I said, that’s not necessarily a bad thing…but what I discovered this past weekend was kinda liberating for me personally. You see, I only in recent years been aware of the fact that I have been “protecting” my heart…protecting it and hiding it from the pain of a perceived loss of “unconditional love” from somewhere in the past. A friend of mine pulled me aside and asked me the question “why are you hiding your heart?” Not only did I not know the answer to his question, I wasn’t even aware of the fact that I was doing this!!! Ha…isn’t that a kick in the pants knowing that’s exactly what I would like to have and give to others – unconditional love – and that if my heart is in fact closed and hidden, then that is impossible to achieve!!! And why is that so hard for me to attain? accept? or give?

Now let me explain before I may be misunderstood here… I consider myself to be a kind and loving person (at least in theory!) and strive to be just that in all circumstances (double haha)…but so often I get caught up in being impatient, annoyed and irritated, and in arguments with the people I love most! so what gives? I want exactly the opposite and my intentions are something completely not in alignment with those low-level feelings, so why do I get swept away in it and carry on that way???

This exact dynamic has been high on my list to explore and resolve…for pretty much the past three years. And here is what I discovered this past weekend. Forgiveness and a level of new awareness and understanding!!! In the first place, forgiving myself for not knowing what I was doing…and forgiving myself for allowing something (or someone) to be put up on such a high pedestal that nothing or no one else can quite compare!!! You see, if I am always comparing something to something else (and that something else or someone else could be now considered superhuman with how high I have placed them up on a perch!) – even if it is all true and I perhaps have had the best and most indescribable essence of unconditional love somewhere in my past, why let that prevent me from experiencing just that in my current circumstances and current relationships? What’s up with that???

My “aha” awareness on this subject is that I can use that memory or past experience (even if it is made up and larger than life) and bring that into my current relationships, right here and right now!!! Who wouldn’t want to have more love? If I have had the best…then why not re-create that and enjoy that experience in ALL of my present relationships?!!! It’s actually my responsibility to share that with everyone I come in contact with…to lead by example and share my heart and love “unconditionally” and without any holding back!

Now that may be easier said than done…but I’m not going to enter into an agreement with that! I am going to step forward and try do my best in sharing that “special love” (a love that perhaps seems like a distant memory and maybe even like a romantic fairy-tale) with others! But to do so, I will have to allow that which binds and hides my own heart, to be set free and allowed to love freely in order to do so… (see my previous post for more on that…) I will have to acknowledge that “nothing lasts forever” – unless of course you pass it forward and incorporate that love and experience within your current relationships…

Does any of this resonate with you?

How are you holding back, and is your heart held in bondage preventing it to be shared freely?

Are there areas in your relationships where this is apparent, or ways you can see any of this within your life?

I would like to know if any of this rings true for anyone else…

Please feel share your comments with me!!!